Is There Really a Way to Stop Being Gay/Lesbian/Homosexual? Can You Help Who You Love? From a Christian Perspective.

A few minutes ago I watched a video by WSPictures on Youtube entitled “Love is All You Need?” and it really inspired me to blog about it. Also, if you haven’t watched it yet, go watch it! It is such a sad, but good short film. And since it’s told from an innocent child’s perspective, it might change your views on some things. Now, it didn’t change my views, but it made me realize that I really have a lot of questions–a lot of questions to which I may never know the answer .

So, if any of you have read my “About” page or some of my other posts in the OOC, you might have learned that I am a Christian. Yes, I am a Christian, which makes this issue of homosexuality even more difficult for me because although I’m a Christian, I am not ignorant to the fact that a person can’t help who they are attracted to or for whom their heart longs. I’m living proof of that as are my parents and my brothers and sisters and countless other people out there in the world. I don’t go into class or into church or into the store, look at someone, and then tell myself that I’m going to be attracted to this person. If I’m not attracted, chances are I’ll never be attracted, and I definitely can’t force that. I, and probably many other people, cannot force myself to go on a date with someone to which I’m  not at least a teensy bit attracted. Have you ever been in a relationship and you realized you didn’t love the person and probably never would but you stayed in the relationship to see if somehow you could force those feelings upon yourself? It just doesn’t work. Now, since I’ve never been attracted to someone of the same sex, I’m speaking from a heterosexual perspective, but is it really different than those from a homosexual perspective?

No. I don’t believe it is any different. If I saw a woman and was attracted to her in every sense, (emotionally, sexually, etc.) I know that it would be really difficult to nearly impossible to rid myself of those feelings because, I mean, was it really me that chose them? That leads me to questions with God. Since I believe it is almost impossible to choose who you’re attracted to, does that mean God puts that attraction into you? And if God puts that attraction into you, then why is it so wrong to be homosexual? I wish God would just stand right in front of me and tell me the answer, but the chances of that happening are slim.

So, do I still believe homosexuality is a sin? Yes, to a certain extent, since the Bible says it is. But, at the same time, I can’t help but question that, since I don’t believe you can choose who you’re attracted to (oh no! ended  a sentence with a preposition!). Sure, having sex with someone is purely choice, but when it comes to attraction, it’s not choice (at least I don’t believe it is).

Whether you’re heterosexual or homosexual, you heart chooses what it wants. If you can control that, then I think you are a very amazing person indeed, because I haven’t met one person who is able to control who it is that they love (romantically, of course).

Is there a way to stop be gay/lesbian/homosexual? Coming from a Christian who has been raised as a Christian all her life…I can’t answer that. Some of me says yes. Most of me says no. I know this doesn’t help many people, but I really do not know. I don’t know if I’ll ever find the answer to my questions, but one thing is clear to me: just because someone is different from you, that doesn’t give you the right to persecute them.

I think I’ll write a book about this. I’ve already got some great ideas. Maybe you all should look for it on the shelves a few years from now hehe.

Okay, while it doesn’t seem like I said much of anything in this blog post, (since it’s really difficult for me to put my thoughts into words since they are so confusing and there are so many of them) I just wanted to share some of my thoughts and questions about homosexuality and Christianity.

Oh! And here’s a link video. You should watch it. Either from their official YouTube channel here:

Or from their official website here:


My Biggest Pet Peeves (which may or may not be very common)

Why am I writing this? Well, for one, I’m bored, and, for two, I’m sure other people have the same pet peeves that I do, so they might enjoy reading this. At number one of my biggest pet peeves we have…

1. Smacking on food

OH MY GOODNESS! This just….this…ugh! This annoying habit of some people really grates on my nerves. Whenever someone starts smacking away on their food, I really want to strangle them! Would I actually do it? No, of course not. I mean, it’s not like they eat and smack 24 hours a day. But, just that thought running through my mind shows how peeved I get when someone does this. I really don’t think that there is any excuse for it either. Sure, maybe your parents didn’t raise you to know that it was rude and downright gross to smack loudly on your food when you were a child, but you should’ve learned it when you went to restaurant’s or over to friends’ houses and saw that they chewed with their mouths shut.

2. Not replacing the roll of toilet paper after you’ve used it all

Yep, this is also really annoying. This hasn’t happened to me outside my family, really, but man, my brothers are experts when it comes to this. There are many times that I go and tell them to put the toilet paper on the roll because it annoys me so much. It’s especially annoying and even angering when you rush into the bathroom because you feel like you’re about to burst, sit down on the toilet, do your business, then look to the side just to see that there is no more toilet paper. Oh man!

3. Biting your nails

Now, if you can bite your nails quietly, then I’m okay with it. It’s not the actual act of biting your nails that irritates me, it is the sound that someone makes while doing it. Men are the worst at this. I can’t even describe the sound they make, but it’s like I can hear them sort of sucking and biting at their fingernails, and it drives me insane and makes me want to burst my own eardrums.

4. Small, perfectly round holes

Can this really be considered a pet-peeve? Well, probably not. But, I wanted to mention it anyway. Whenever I see a small, perfectly round hole, I feel like bugs are crawling inside of my body. I get chills, and I honestly feel like throwing up. It takes me forever to forget about the hole, too. I picture all the things that could crawl out of it, and it is so gross and scary and I really really really hate small and perfectly round holes.

5. Arguing that Shakespeare didn’t really exist and that Francis Bacon wrote all of Shakespeare’s works

NO, NO, NO! Stop trying to shove your conspiracy theories down my throat. William Shakespeare was a real person, and he wrote his own works. Christopher Marlowe was not William Shakespeare, Francis Bacon (especially Francis Bacon) was not William Shakespeare. William Shakespeare was William Shakespeare, and he did indeed exist. Sure, there is not as much evidence as we would like to prove he existed, but there is even less evidence that one of these other people wrote under his name (and I have actually researched and written a paper on it). This is a big pet peeve of mine and of many people I know.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now. If I think of any more, I’ll be sure to record them. Hope you enjoyed this!

NOTE: Below is from a blog post that I wrote a long time ago and never published. I wrote it when I was going through a hard time, so if some of it seems too harsh, just remember that most of this I wrote in the heat of the moment. I decided to publish it now, however, because these things are probably common things that annoy people, and, of course, they do still annoy me whenever they happen. I also think that it’s well-written, but that is completely subjective, and you might not think the same way ;).

So, here we go, another rant! I’ve just gotten so fed up with people (friends, family, strangers, myself) lately, that I thought it would be best to make a list of all the things that annoy me about people to get the extreme irritation out of my being.

1. Thinking your opinion is superior to everyone else

Now, I actually am guilty of this many of the times, but it still annoys me. There are also quite a few people in my family who think like this.

Examples: 1. I’m with a person and we walk outside. It’s around 75 degree Fahrenheit outside. The person makes a comment, “This is just the perfect temperature.” I reply with,  “Yeah, it’s nice, but my perfect temperature is 50 degrees.” The person replies, “Well, this temperature is what it must have been in the Garden of Eden.” I reply, with a small laugh, “You don’t know that.” “The person replies, “Well, I think that this is God’s perfect temperature, what he intended the earth to be.” Again, I reply with a small laugh, “You don’t know that. It’s just your opinion that this is the perfect temperature.” The person replies, “No, yes I do know because this IS the perfect temperature, it’s not just opinion.” I just left it at that, but it really irritated me that the person couldn’t agree that people had different different opinions about what the “perfect” temperature was.

There have been many other instances of this, mostly with the same person, and because of who the person is, I can’t exactly tell him/her that this is something that annoys me about him/her and that he/she should stop doing it. So, alas, I am writing it here.

2. Making another person feel stupid

I see this ALL the time EVERYWHERE. I always see it at least once per day. It’s like people can’t get through the day without making another person feel inferior to them. This really gets on my nerves, especially when it happens to me. This happens in my family, at church, at school, at the grocery store, it happens just about everywhere to just about everyone. (I’ll have many examples for this one)

Examples: 1. A conversation between me and two women at the church I attend (one woman is only a few years older than me (A) and the other is quite a bit older than me(B))

Woman B: Hey, how are you doing today? (referring to me)

Me: I’m pretty good. I’m just getting over a sinus infection, though.

Woman B: Oh, that’s too bad. Yeah, I know a few people who are having trouble with their allergies, right now.

Me: Oh, yeah, I don’t think this is from allergies, since I’m not allergic to anything. I think it could be because of the weather [the temp. was fluctuating between warm and cold and humid and dry]

Woman A (who had been nodding along and listening in): Well, you must have allergies because you can’t have a sinus infection without allergies. (she said this in a rather condescending tone masked in mellifluousness  and she and Woman B started laughing lightly)

*I must note that Woman A is someone in the church whom everybody adores and whom everyone thinks is the epitome of sweetness and perfection.

Me: (I replied to both women, but mostly Woman A, rather quietly and firmly): Don’t treat me like I’m stupid.

Woman A didn’t respond, but I know she heard me because after that she started treating me differently. Woman B, who is really a sweet lady, just came and apologized, but I told her it really wasn’t her that had upset me.

And the most annoying thing about this whole situation was that I was RIGHT, and Woman A was wrong, yet she still made me feel like an idiot. It’s one thing when you don’t know how to do a math problem and the teacher makes you feel stupid for not knowing how to do it (which has happened to many people I know), and then it’s another thing when you KNOW how to work out the math problem and you KNOW the answer is right, but the teacher makes you feel stupid anyway because he/she had the wrong answer and thought it was right.

3. Never apologizing

Oh my goodness! I cannot even tell you how much this annoys me. Whenever I do something wrong, my conscience always gets me and I always apologize, otherwise I won’t be able to enjoy myself. Heck, I’ve even apologized for things that weren’t even my fault, but the other person was making me feel uncomfortable, so I caved in and apologized. My family is the worst about this. There’s probably one other person in my family (out of a family of 10) that apologizes. Nobody else does. They just expect you to forget about it. Well, let me tell you, sure, I’ll try to forget about it, but if you don’t apologize to me for something you did wrong, that incident will forever be in my mind as an injustice unless you correct it. And, no, I’m not talking about holding a grudge. I’m just talking about how it will always be in the back of my mind, even when we are getting along, so that I can be more cautious next time. (I have no examples for this one because it is pretty straight-forward)

4. Acting childish AKA immature/younger than your age

There are a couple of people in my family that suffer from this, but it’s only occasionally, thank goodness. At the church I attend, on the other hand, there are way too many people that act younger than their age, all the time.

Example: There’s this “youth group” in my church that meets on Wednesdays. It’s technically not a youth group, since everyone is in their twenties, but that’s just what I call them since they’re exactly like a youth group. Well, one Wednesday (when I used to attend) our youth pastor decided to give his sermon/lecture on how people shouldn’t talk when they’re not supposed to talk (as in when the teacher talks or when someone else is talking). His WHOLE freakin’ sermon was about this and everyone was taking it so seriously that he almost cried and a few other people almost cried. The mood after the sermon was like someone had just died! Well, I was about 17 at that time and my brother was 16 (we were the youngest in the group). All the other people in there had ages ranging from 20-30. I really wanted to laugh after that sermon because of how serious everyone was and how stupid the whole situation was. I hadn’t gotten a talk like that since I was in 7th grade, yet here were all these “adults” having to be talked to about not talking when the teacher is talking! When you’re a teenager, you should already be following that rule without having to be spoken to about it. When you’re an adult, you should not have to be talked to about this stuff. You should be mature enough to know that when someone is talking, you should not be talking, especially when that someone is an authority. But, most of these “adults” in the group are immature, and it really gets on my nerves, which is one of the reasons I stopped going to Wednesday church. I haven’t been in a while so maybe they’ve gotten better…

5. Someone who never listens

(Just go read my separate blog post/rant about this, titled, “Sometimes, You Just Get Tired When People Don’t Listen”)

6. Harping on the past

I don’t know a lot of people who actually do this, but some do it occasionally (like me, though it’s almost always in my mind). Give up your past and move on. If you’re always going on about how your parents were evil or how you were always abused, I’m going to stop wanting to talk to you, because it’s annoying. When I’m talking to you about how my parents won’t let me work in a strip club or go to a certain school, or how they hate that I’m gay or lesbian, I don’t want to hear about how your parents verbally abused you when you were a kid. It’s not that I don’t care about you, it’s just that if you’re always bringing that up into every conversation, I’m going to become irritated.

DCP Character Performer Audition Results

Okay, so after the audition, I mentioned that I just waited. Man, was waiting hard! The days went by so slowly, and I just couldn’t wait for it to be April. So, April 1st rolls around and there are no notifications. But, the next day, the DCP blog announced that character performer notifications were starting to go out. I was so excited, but also really nervous because a few people had already been accepted already, and I was not one of them. The next day, which was Wednesday, I just waited and checked my dashboard, but no email came. Thursday came around, and I did the same thing. Friday came around, and I did the same thing, but there was a slight change. I had come back to the dorm from my last class (which ends at 4:00) and my roommate had gone home for the weekend, so I decided to take a nap before I went to eat dinner. At that point, I had given up hope that  Disney was going to inform me of their decision that week. So, I fall into a peaceful slumber and wake up right at the time that I normally eat dinner (which I freaked out a little about, since I like to eat at the same time everyday. I’m weird, I know). I look at the clock and it says 5:30, so I quickly hop up, still groggy from just waking up, and take my phone from the shelf next to my bed. There was a green light flashing, so I knew that I had probably gotten some emails, since I get a lot of junk. So, casually, without even thinking about Disney, I open my email and there on the small phone screen it says “Disney College Program: Congratulations!” I looked at that and immediately woke up. I said out loud, “Are you serious?” Then, I opened the email and saw that it was serious, and I jumped out of bed, threw my fist in the air and started cheering and jumping up and down saying “Yes!”

The first thing I do is turn on my laptop and find out what role they were offering me. I opened up the acceptance letter and it said Character Performer for Fall Advantage. I was so happy because these were my first choices! So, as soon as I see this, I call my mom, and she is really excited for me. Then, I go down to dinner and text my dad.

Now, before I go on, I just want to explain something about my family. My family is a very “Disney World Loving” family. My dad and mom go there once a year and I’ve been there with the family 4 or 5 times. Two of my siblings went on their honeymoons to Disney World and everyone in my family just loves the place.

Okay, so after dinner, I come up to my room and accept my offer and then my dad calls me. Now, my dad does not get excited about, well really, anything. And, he’s not a very encouraging person, normally. I don’t mean to say he’s a mean or bad person, he’s just very realistic and tries to be the voice of reason. But, he calls me up and is super excited that I got accepted into the program as a character performer. I could tell he was really excited, not by the tone of his voice because his tone doesn’t vary very much, but because he kept repeating how great it was, and he even said that he needed to start making plans for some of the family to visit me while I’m there. So, even more than my mom who is always very supportive and encourage, this call from my dad really made my day. It was the first time he had really ever encouraged me to do something and then was so happy that I got it.

Two of my sisters and one of my brothers also texted me and were excited.

After that, I paid the 300 dollar fee and picked my arrival date. I was kinda bummed that there were no arrival dates for me in June because I wanted to spend some more time with my family after I get back from college, but at least I’ll get to spend 3 weeks with them. I chose my arrival date as May 27th because it was the later date and it’s a holiday so my dad said it would be better for us to drive there that weekend.

So, yeah, that was how I got accepted as a character performer for the Fall Advantage 2013 DCP. I can’t wait to find out which character(s) I’m going to be friends with, and I’m so excited so see what God has in store for me while working at Disney World.  If you’re interested in following my story, I’ll be posting (or at least trying to post) things regularly about my experiences.


Disney College Program Fall 2013: Application and Character Performer Auditions

Well, I haven’t blogged in a long while, but something great has happened, so I will be blogging about my experiences. To start off, I just wanted to take you through my application and audition process.

So, I had always known about the Disney College Program and had always wanted to do it, but I never knew when applications were. But, this year, I was sitting at home on my computer on my last day of spring break, and I logged into Facebook, and there was a suggestion (the first suggestion I’ve ever gotten) and it said “Disney Auditions.” Well, since I am into theatre, I clicked on the suggestion and it took me to the page. I found the audition website and found that there were auditions for character performers in a week (March 23rd) near my current residence. I was super excited and looked up all the information and decided to audition. I, then, looked up information on the Disney College Program (DCP) and applied the next day. I made it past the web interview and scheduled my phone interview for two days later. The phone interview went well, I think, and the interviewer told me that I would know of their decision in 2-3 weeks.

A few days later, I attended the audition, and it was the most fun audition in which I have ever participated. I’m the type of person who, at auditions (dancing, singing, acting, or all of them together) gets really nervous. But, at this audition, although I was initially nervous, that soon faded away, and I was just having fun. As soon as my mom and I got in line, we met a few other people who were also auditioning . Everyone was very friendly.

First, we were brought into a room and we all sat down in lines. Then, they had each line of people get up and go into another room to sign in and be measured. That took a little while since there were over 200 people at the audition. I was measured at 4’11, though I’m pretty sure I’m 5’0. Whatever, though, that didn’t really matter. After that, everyone was put back in the big room and we learned a simple march. And when I say simple, I mean simple. You did not have to have any dance experience to be able to do this march. If you could walk and swing your arms at the same time, then you could do this.

So, we learned the march and then we were separated into groups of eight and they lined each group of eight in front of the casting directors table and each group took turns doing the march across the floor. I made sure I was very cheery and even though I have dance experience, I did mess up once, but I just kept going. After the march there was to be an initial cut. Here’s what I think they were looking for in people who did the first dance:

1. Height:

Even though at the beginning of the audition they said they weren’t basing anything off of height, I think height was a factor. If you were tall or short and were cheerful, you probably made it through. Also, I will note that because there were so many people auditioning, they didn’t have our names or heights in front of them, so they were going just based off of sight.

2. Look:

When I say look, I don’t mean you had to be pretty, cute, or handsome. I mean that they were looking for people who fit the look that they had in mind. I don’t know what that was, but I’m pretty sure that was a factor because most people who were chubbier did not get called back. Also, before the audition started there was this girl who was in full ballet attire doing plies and you could tell she was a dancer, but she didn’t get called back, so I’m thinking her height wasn’t what they were looking for or she didn’t have the look.

3. Cheerfulness/Happiness/Peppiness

Now, the first two are merely speculation on my part, but I know this last one was a big factor. Not only did they want you to smile and be big with your motions, they wanted to see that you were having a good time.

Okay, so after the march, they had us all sit down and they proceeded to call out the numbers of the people they wanted to stay. I was so nervous that they weren’t going to call my number, but, alas, after much anguish I heard the guy call out 139. They, then, asked everyone whose number was not called to leave and to audition again in six months. After the cut, there were only about 50 to 60 people left, and they told us that all of us were being considered for character performers.

Then, the remaining people had headshots taken. After that, the choreographer took us through some pantomiming exercises. He would give us a scenario, and then we would pantomime it (this was just practice and was done all in a big group). Our scenarios were planting a tree and washing a dog. They said be big and funny with it. I tried to be unique, so for planting a tree I acted like I was eating a peach and then planting the seed of that peach, whereas most people just started out digging a hole. For my washing the dog scenario, I just acted like my dog was reluctant to take a bath, which probably wasn’t too creative.

So, after the pantomime practice, we learned a dance. This dance, for dancers, really wasn’t very hard. For people like me who have dance experience but haven’t danced for years, it was semi-difficult because we learned it so fast. For people who have no dance experience whatsoever, I’m sure the dance was difficult. After learning the dance, everyone was ushered into the smaller room and we were called into the bigger room in groups of eight. Once inside the room, we planted a tree, then did the dance, then washed the dog, then did the dance again. After that was over they had us all stand in a line, and they looked us all up and down, then said we were free to go. There were a few people who were asked to stay, but I heard that was for face characters or parade dancers. Nobody in my group was asked to stay. On our way out, we were handed a paper that said we would hear back by April 19th (but at the beginning one of the directors told us that it was possible to hear before that time).

So, that was my audition, and then I waited. My next post will reveal whether I got chosen or not.